I have been in a desert for the past few days - of my own doing primarily - and I really need to get out. I cracked open my Bible this morning which I admit, sheepishly, that I had not done in several days. God led me to Psalm 77 by way of the random question - what shall I read this morning? In God's sovereignty and intimate knowledge of my heart, that really is never a random question because the Scriptures are alive and active and able, at any moment, to speak words of comfort and conviction - addressing the specific needs of my heart. Today was no exception.
The psalmist of 77 .... "made a diligent search:
7 “Will the Lord spurn forever and never again be favorable?
8 Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?”
In his diligent search of both the character of God through history and his troubled heart, the psalmist lays out 5 questions to God. I so appreciate this view into the doubt and darkness of the psalmist's heart. I have been existing in this doubt and darkness because of my sin of independence from God and His Word these past few days. My questions have been along these lines:
1. Why God am I feeling this way?
2. Do you really know the desires of my heart?
3. Are your promises and your ways really for my best?
4. Why do I look to people instead of you for comfort and definition?
5. Will you forgive me AGAIN for trading your presence for some temporal, small satisfaction?
The psalmist then leads me to a place of remembrance:
10Then I said, "I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High." 11I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.12I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.13Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God?14You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples.15You with your arm redeemed your people,
I have forgotten the wonders of His love for me, the depth of His provision and that He is the Keeper of my soul. His ways are HOLY and He has redeemed me but I have stopped fighting to see the Truth. In the darkness, Lord, I appeal to the Light - you alone can illuminate my heart and bring me back to the place of comfort and confidence in you alone. I know that is you in the darkness - I RECOGNIZE the strength of your arm as You break my fall.