I have found myself swamped with life lately and have not been making time to blog. The sweet part of it is that I have been making more time for my Bible and truly loving it. God is deeply moving me as I see the dependance of Jesus in His earthly life upon the Father and I have to ask myself,
"WHO DO I THINK I AM?"
Days can go by before I humbly and purposely stop myself to see what God wants from me or my day. Jesus - yeah, that guy, the DIVINE ONE - never allowed Himself to be defined outside the Father and yet, I go off half-cocked with my plans, ideas, joys and fears thinking I'm somehow in charge of it all.
So, in an effort to stay connected to the Father and His Word and challenge myself to think deeply of Him (and also post here more than once a month!), I am going to turn my bible reading into a simple question that I ponder throughout my day. Please join me in this exercise - answering my question or better yet, coming up with one of your own from your reading and share in comments.
Todays question comes from John - which is where I have been reading lately and have been overwhelmed and thrilled to see the complete and utter submission and dependance of Jesus to His Father's will.
Chapter 18, verse 11 - right after Jesus has been betrayed by Judas and handed over to the Pharisees - He asks Peter, "Shall I not drink from the cup that the Father has given me?"
I ask myself: Am I willing to drink the cup that the Father has given me today?
Granted, it is not filled with bloody beatings that end in crucifixion as Jesus' was - praise Him for that! But, today, my cup is filled with algebra help, countless listenings to piano practice, preparing 3 square meals and tackling mountains of laundry. It is filled with caring for 7 children (love my nieces and nephews!) while participating in a household Wii fast - am I crazy?
Or - am I humbly willing to let Jesus empower me to depend upon the Father to drink the cup placed before me on this day?
What's in your cup?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Jesus is Praying for Us
I got up this morning to spend some time in the Word and in prayer. It was not a dutiful, reluctant throwing off of the warm blankets to roll out of bed and meet Jesus. Something of a peaceful drive has settled in my soul when it comes to prayer and Bible reading as of late. I can be a get-er-done gal and I have spent far too many years in that place when it comes to the spiritual disciples. They have felt like an obligation and there has not been much life or joy in the doing. Without being able to pinpoint the date, God has graciously placed in me a deep understanding that I cannot live without constant submission to Him through prayer and Bible time. Being submitted makes the doing a joy.
Constant? you may think, questioning my accuracy as to the frequency. Yes, constantly - I exaggerate not.
It isn't as though I am never to be found without a bible open or a prayer being uttered. But, as a result of time spent in both, I am ever aware of His greatness and my smallness. He continually reminds me of my dependance upon Him when I begin my day placing myself under His loving authority and grace. Prayer has become constant companionship.
I was reminded this morning from John 17 that once again, Jesus has me covered. Even if I hadn't answered the screech of the alarm to begin my day in prayer, Christ is praying for me.
Here are the 6 requests that Christ asks of the Father for believers right before His death:
1. He prays that we would be One with the Father
2. He prays to have His joy fulfilled in us
3. He prays that we would be kept from the evil one
4. He prays that we would be sanctified in the Truth of His Word
5. He prays that we would be with Him to see His glory
6. He prays that God's love would be in us
Amazing! Just when I thought I was doing good to up the ante on my quiet time, God again says to me - I love you dear girl. I am pleased with you because of my Son and His prayer that has come to pass in your life. I love you this bright, early morning as you come to me in prayer and I love you on the mornings when sleep overtakes your tired little body. Come to me always with your hearts desires and doubts. But, most importantly, trust that Jesus is praying for you - even when you don't.
Constant? you may think, questioning my accuracy as to the frequency. Yes, constantly - I exaggerate not.
It isn't as though I am never to be found without a bible open or a prayer being uttered. But, as a result of time spent in both, I am ever aware of His greatness and my smallness. He continually reminds me of my dependance upon Him when I begin my day placing myself under His loving authority and grace. Prayer has become constant companionship.
I was reminded this morning from John 17 that once again, Jesus has me covered. Even if I hadn't answered the screech of the alarm to begin my day in prayer, Christ is praying for me.
Here are the 6 requests that Christ asks of the Father for believers right before His death:
1. He prays that we would be One with the Father
2. He prays to have His joy fulfilled in us
3. He prays that we would be kept from the evil one
4. He prays that we would be sanctified in the Truth of His Word
5. He prays that we would be with Him to see His glory
6. He prays that God's love would be in us
Amazing! Just when I thought I was doing good to up the ante on my quiet time, God again says to me - I love you dear girl. I am pleased with you because of my Son and His prayer that has come to pass in your life. I love you this bright, early morning as you come to me in prayer and I love you on the mornings when sleep overtakes your tired little body. Come to me always with your hearts desires and doubts. But, most importantly, trust that Jesus is praying for you - even when you don't.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
She's Not Ours
The following is a 259 word entry that I wrote for Mary DeMuth's recent book release. Check it out. Mary is a great writer who has inspired me to write about my raw pain while relishing in the redemption that Jesus purchased for me.
No thinner place exists than the intersection where light meets dark, good meets evil, life meets death. The cross of Christ anchors that place. Jesus is the hero there. It is in that very place that I experienced True Freedom - released from the bondage of lies and shame.
From my earliest memory as a little girl, I struggled for answers. A taunting voice would sneer:
“Who are you?”
Paralyzed by confusion, I could not say. Did I truly belong to the loving, heavenly Father that my heart longed for or was I a defiled daughter of darkness lurking about in the dank prison of secrecy?
Years piled up and so did my shame. As my carefully constructed façade of confidence and competence crumbled, I begged for help. My husband and my pastor battled by my side. Equipped with the same power that rose Jesus from the dead, we entered the sacred ground of my hurting heart – with the intention of proclaiming Christ as rightful King.
Praying for Truth to prevail, I heard the same taunting voice relinquish it’s foothold of darkness and lies from my soul.
“She’s not ours!” It cried in defeat.
Glorious Freedom! Sweet Peace washed over my soul. With fresh eyes to see, I was both broken and restored as I saw my Savior and my sin anew. Be it assault from my enemy or rebellion of my flesh, belief in Christ’s power to redeem must be my heart’s response.
The thinnest of places is the window where darkness meets Light and is forever changed.
No thinner place exists than the intersection where light meets dark, good meets evil, life meets death. The cross of Christ anchors that place. Jesus is the hero there. It is in that very place that I experienced True Freedom - released from the bondage of lies and shame.
From my earliest memory as a little girl, I struggled for answers. A taunting voice would sneer:
“Who are you?”
Paralyzed by confusion, I could not say. Did I truly belong to the loving, heavenly Father that my heart longed for or was I a defiled daughter of darkness lurking about in the dank prison of secrecy?
Years piled up and so did my shame. As my carefully constructed façade of confidence and competence crumbled, I begged for help. My husband and my pastor battled by my side. Equipped with the same power that rose Jesus from the dead, we entered the sacred ground of my hurting heart – with the intention of proclaiming Christ as rightful King.
Praying for Truth to prevail, I heard the same taunting voice relinquish it’s foothold of darkness and lies from my soul.
“She’s not ours!” It cried in defeat.
Glorious Freedom! Sweet Peace washed over my soul. With fresh eyes to see, I was both broken and restored as I saw my Savior and my sin anew. Be it assault from my enemy or rebellion of my flesh, belief in Christ’s power to redeem must be my heart’s response.
The thinnest of places is the window where darkness meets Light and is forever changed.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Scars on my Heart
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I've been away a while with the holidays and new routine of the new year but I experienced a wonderfully redemptive lesson this week that has breathed life into my blogging ambitions once again.
When I was 10 years old, I almost died. I had a very serious viral infection of my pericardium (the lining around my heart). Surgery was performed to alleviate the fluid constricting my heart and I was sent home to recover - missing most of my fifth grade school year. The resulting scar tissue damaged the surface of my heart - leaving it rough and prone to irritation and pain.
When I was an even younger girl, my heart was damaged in a different way. Early childhood sexual abuse left me scared, alone and ashamed. The resulting scars left their mark on my heart. I was prone to irritation and great pain when those emotional scars were seen.
I was given the opportunity to share the story of my past today at a workshop for our church. I had been thinking about and preparing for it for weeks - excited for the opportunity to share what God has redeemed in my life.
And then, earlier this week, the pain began. The old familiar heaviness in my chest, the dull throb up my arm and neck, shortness of breath that left me weak and fatigued.
Lord, why now?
After 15 surgeries and countless bouts of pain and bedrest, I'm tired of this.
Can't I just go share with these ladies the healing of my invisible wounds without the added burden of physical pain also - is that too much to ask?
I sincerely prayed for relief yet began prepping myself for the inevitable cancel of my talk. Sickness has always had a way of wielding much power in my life and I've often not put up much of a fight against my opponent. But this time, I wanted it to be different. And so did Jesus.
I believe He wanted to teach me that while both my muscular heart that pumps my blood and my unseen heart that is the wellspring of my life have sustained scars - He is the Great Healer. He has healed my physical body and He has healed my soul. His power is perfected in my weakness - physical and emotional. The scar tissue remains but it simply serves as reminders of His sustaining love and powerful redemption in my life.
I've been away a while with the holidays and new routine of the new year but I experienced a wonderfully redemptive lesson this week that has breathed life into my blogging ambitions once again.
When I was 10 years old, I almost died. I had a very serious viral infection of my pericardium (the lining around my heart). Surgery was performed to alleviate the fluid constricting my heart and I was sent home to recover - missing most of my fifth grade school year. The resulting scar tissue damaged the surface of my heart - leaving it rough and prone to irritation and pain.
When I was an even younger girl, my heart was damaged in a different way. Early childhood sexual abuse left me scared, alone and ashamed. The resulting scars left their mark on my heart. I was prone to irritation and great pain when those emotional scars were seen.
I was given the opportunity to share the story of my past today at a workshop for our church. I had been thinking about and preparing for it for weeks - excited for the opportunity to share what God has redeemed in my life.
And then, earlier this week, the pain began. The old familiar heaviness in my chest, the dull throb up my arm and neck, shortness of breath that left me weak and fatigued.
Lord, why now?
After 15 surgeries and countless bouts of pain and bedrest, I'm tired of this.
Can't I just go share with these ladies the healing of my invisible wounds without the added burden of physical pain also - is that too much to ask?
I sincerely prayed for relief yet began prepping myself for the inevitable cancel of my talk. Sickness has always had a way of wielding much power in my life and I've often not put up much of a fight against my opponent. But this time, I wanted it to be different. And so did Jesus.
I believe He wanted to teach me that while both my muscular heart that pumps my blood and my unseen heart that is the wellspring of my life have sustained scars - He is the Great Healer. He has healed my physical body and He has healed my soul. His power is perfected in my weakness - physical and emotional. The scar tissue remains but it simply serves as reminders of His sustaining love and powerful redemption in my life.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Grateful for Everyday Gifts
We moved into a new home (to us) two years ago and I just remembered a neat Christmas activity I planned for our family that I plan to resurrect this year. We were facing a slimmer Christmas due to moving and remodeling costs and I was feeling a bit sorry for ourselves. God quickly reminded me of the MANY new blessings that had come my way in the past couple months - new appliances, furniture, faucets, fixtures...yeah, I really had nothing to feel deprived over. I wanted to wake us all up to the fact that even though we may not be shredding rolls of paper off mountains of gifts, we had gifts all over our home that were daily blessings to each of us.
I purchased a bag of those sticky bows and divided them up into 5 plastic bags. On Christmas Eve, I gave each family member a bag and unleashed them on the house to stick bows on the "gifts" that we use everyday but may simply treat as necessities. After 20 minutes or so, everyone reconvened in the living room with stories to tell about why they chose the items they did. Our home was covered with bows from top to bottom - they were stuck on kitchen cabinets by my daughter who was thankful for dishes to eat on, on our comfy couch by a son who loves to cozy up on it to read, on our TV by a grateful sports-loving boy and on our garage door by a husband who has never owned a home with a dry place to park his car on these rainy Seattle nights. My biggest bow was proudly stuck on the lid of my washer and dryer that I thank God for daily when I think of that old washtub method used by my predecessors.
I purchased a bag of those sticky bows and divided them up into 5 plastic bags. On Christmas Eve, I gave each family member a bag and unleashed them on the house to stick bows on the "gifts" that we use everyday but may simply treat as necessities. After 20 minutes or so, everyone reconvened in the living room with stories to tell about why they chose the items they did. Our home was covered with bows from top to bottom - they were stuck on kitchen cabinets by my daughter who was thankful for dishes to eat on, on our comfy couch by a son who loves to cozy up on it to read, on our TV by a grateful sports-loving boy and on our garage door by a husband who has never owned a home with a dry place to park his car on these rainy Seattle nights. My biggest bow was proudly stuck on the lid of my washer and dryer that I thank God for daily when I think of that old washtub method used by my predecessors.What a great reminder of how God generously and lavishly blesses us with both needs and luxuries every day that we easily overlook. I'm heading out for a big bag of sticky bows tonight!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
I Wanna Be More Like Mary Bailey
Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
We just finished our annual tradition of watching It's A Wonderful Life and I am reminded again at what an inspiration Mary Bailey is to me. She is such a beautiful woman inside and out - a wonderful combination of grace and strength. When I grow up, I want to be just like her!
Here is a quick list of the qualities I see in Mary that make her a wife worth emulating:
1. She has a genuine, beautiful smile and she is not afraid to flash it! At George, at her children, at the people of Bedford Falls, in joyous times and in struggle. Her countenance is cheerful and pleasant. She is truly lovely because her smile radiates from within.
2. She is so dang creative and resourceful! She is a dreamer and makes beauty out of the ordinary. From the sweet sketch of George lassoing the moon to the home she creates out of the old dumpy mansion, Mary shows us what creative ideas and good old-fashioned elbow grease can accomplish.
3. She makes the best of hard situations. When faced with the thought of losing George, when the Building and Loan is going to close, when her honeymoon is cancelled - Mary finds a way to be a good helper to George at great personal cost.
4. She tells her children to pray for her husband. What a brilliant woman. When her husband is down and out, harsh with the family because he feels like a failure - Mary doesn't berate him but calls the family to pray.
5. Then, she calls for help. In the proper order, she first asks for God's help and then she asks for the help of friends and family. Mary goes out looking for George in his state of despair and mobilizes the whole town to give back to George the love and support he has given over the years (albeit begrudgingly at times!) Mary helps her husband when he can't help himself.
6. She suggests celebrating all the events of the evening with wine! What a fun lady!
George Bailey is INDEED the richest man in town, living a Wonderful Life. In large part, due to the love and support of an excellent wife. Not a perfect woman but certainly an inspiring example. May I be a little more like Mary Bailey each year!
We just finished our annual tradition of watching It's A Wonderful Life and I am reminded again at what an inspiration Mary Bailey is to me. She is such a beautiful woman inside and out - a wonderful combination of grace and strength. When I grow up, I want to be just like her!
Here is a quick list of the qualities I see in Mary that make her a wife worth emulating:
1. She has a genuine, beautiful smile and she is not afraid to flash it! At George, at her children, at the people of Bedford Falls, in joyous times and in struggle. Her countenance is cheerful and pleasant. She is truly lovely because her smile radiates from within.
2. She is so dang creative and resourceful! She is a dreamer and makes beauty out of the ordinary. From the sweet sketch of George lassoing the moon to the home she creates out of the old dumpy mansion, Mary shows us what creative ideas and good old-fashioned elbow grease can accomplish.
3. She makes the best of hard situations. When faced with the thought of losing George, when the Building and Loan is going to close, when her honeymoon is cancelled - Mary finds a way to be a good helper to George at great personal cost.
4. She tells her children to pray for her husband. What a brilliant woman. When her husband is down and out, harsh with the family because he feels like a failure - Mary doesn't berate him but calls the family to pray.
5. Then, she calls for help. In the proper order, she first asks for God's help and then she asks for the help of friends and family. Mary goes out looking for George in his state of despair and mobilizes the whole town to give back to George the love and support he has given over the years (albeit begrudgingly at times!) Mary helps her husband when he can't help himself.
6. She suggests celebrating all the events of the evening with wine! What a fun lady!
George Bailey is INDEED the richest man in town, living a Wonderful Life. In large part, due to the love and support of an excellent wife. Not a perfect woman but certainly an inspiring example. May I be a little more like Mary Bailey each year!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Fulfilled in Christ
This is without a doubt my favorite time of year. I love everything about it: glowing lights, fragrant trees, cheerful carols and cherished memories. One special Christmas memory and a song lyric add a depth of worship and gratitude that I will treasure in my heart forever.
Thirteen years ago, when I gave birth to my firstborn son - the staggering reality of what exactly Jesus offered to us in the gift of Himself became most tangible. As I held my newborn baby boy in the Christmas candlelight, tears flowed as I tried to comprehend that my Great and Glorious God took on this frail, infantile form for me. Never before had I truly understood the magnitude and humility of His incarnation. As if occupying a small, utterly dependent body of flesh wasn't enough, He ordained that His first place of rest be in a dirty feed trough. Why there? God could have chosen anywhere to rest His tiny head...and then the song playing on the stereo pierced my heart with a moment of clarity: That dirty manger is my heart too...
Jeremiah 17:9 says, "the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Jesus can.
God chose to have His Son enter the world in a stable and be laid in a filthy slop trough so we could know that our sinful hearts are not too lowly of a place for Him to occupy. He understands so much that He was willing to be lain in that rough and smelly receptacle so we could begin to understand His love for us. Understand that He desires to indwell our dirty hearts and make them pure and clean.
As His chosen children, we are given the gift of Jesus - we are now IN HIM.
Galatians 2:20 it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me
Ephesians 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
Celebrate! Party! Worship and Adore Him during this Christmas season. We have been brought near and the trough of our soul has been cleansed and filled with the most precious of gifts - the Righteousness of that Baby boy born in Bethlehem.
Thirteen years ago, when I gave birth to my firstborn son - the staggering reality of what exactly Jesus offered to us in the gift of Himself became most tangible. As I held my newborn baby boy in the Christmas candlelight, tears flowed as I tried to comprehend that my Great and Glorious God took on this frail, infantile form for me. Never before had I truly understood the magnitude and humility of His incarnation. As if occupying a small, utterly dependent body of flesh wasn't enough, He ordained that His first place of rest be in a dirty feed trough. Why there? God could have chosen anywhere to rest His tiny head...and then the song playing on the stereo pierced my heart with a moment of clarity: That dirty manger is my heart too...
Jeremiah 17:9 says, "the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Jesus can.
God chose to have His Son enter the world in a stable and be laid in a filthy slop trough so we could know that our sinful hearts are not too lowly of a place for Him to occupy. He understands so much that He was willing to be lain in that rough and smelly receptacle so we could begin to understand His love for us. Understand that He desires to indwell our dirty hearts and make them pure and clean.
As His chosen children, we are given the gift of Jesus - we are now IN HIM.
Galatians 2:20 it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me
Ephesians 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
Celebrate! Party! Worship and Adore Him during this Christmas season. We have been brought near and the trough of our soul has been cleansed and filled with the most precious of gifts - the Righteousness of that Baby boy born in Bethlehem.
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